The wait!

Back then, standing between dad's legs riding the scooter in the evening from school, I'm told that I talked a lot on the way home.
I don't remember it.
The last time I rode a bus, the last time I had a travel that didn't drift me to hows, whys and what ifs of my life; I don't remember it either.
Past few years have been tough. I've lost people physically, figuratively and emotionally. Touched lows, lost my way and stranded many; goals included. I'm not really proud of the way I handled things, but that was that.
Today I wanted to talk again. Out of nowhere and with ease. About the wee kid who had three different colored hair ties on her head, about the old couple who wouldn't stop bickering, about the school kids who were looking so worn out by the end of the day, about the lovelorn, sad girl by the window seat. About the teens who passed shy smiles so ridiculously,
about the annoying driver who wouldn't stop the horn, of the song that came through the speakers which I haven't heard in a long while and quickly forgot thereafter. About the nitty-gritty things of people, things, anything and everything on which my eyes fell on.
I wanted to point my fingers and talk out loud animatedly like my five year old self did back then.
I wanted to talk about how the songs didn't bring back anything but my memory of their lyrics, about how my smile was a fixture, about how unapologetic I was to the guy who misread my smile for himself; also, about how finding me after so long lifted a pressing sigh out of me.
About how good it was to see myself alive and in spirits.
About how thrilling it was to have my fingertips itch; tap in the air. For, I finally wanted to write again.
I couldn't wait.
I was in there, I knew. In the corner wielding a shield, closing the cold blankets tight around myself and letting out my breaths in silent huffs, in fear of somebody hearing me.
I've closed off myself to me for so long. I knew.
I've always known. Maybe sometimes we just have to go back to set things, see things straighten out. And without even planning for it, looked like I fell into a whirl that did me good.
I'm glad it's over now. Like many believed, I wasn't in denial of my reality. No.
I was just waiting for myself.

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